Kim Hee-joo

24 May

He had made a suicide pact online with three other people. Two were girls. All were teenagers. They were going to syphon in carbon monoxide into a one-room apartment south of Seoul, Korea.
He said.
“Five young men and women who made a pact over the Internet and had failed in two previous suicide attempts, drove to a seaside motel and did it with carbon monoxide and a vacuum hose. And so we thought we could too.”
He said.
“One well-known actress, Jeong Da-bin posted her thoughts on her website a day before killing herself on Feb. 10. She wrote: ‘for no reason at all, I am going crazy with anger. Then, as if lightning had struck, all becomes quiet. Then the Lord comes to me. The Lord says I will be OK. Yes, I will be OK.'”
He said.
“Jeong Da-bin was twenty-seven.”
I asked him why he’s still alive. He said he chickened out. He never showed up at the apartment. I asked him what became of the others. And he lit a cigarette.
The government does not compile figures on how many suicides may have been inspired or aided by the Internet. But in an analysis of 191 group suicides reported in the media from June 1998 to May 2006, sociologists at Korea Nazarene University, found that nearly a third of the cases involved people who had formed suicide pacts through Internet chat sites.
He said: “your turn.”
And I told him I’ve never attempted it, but I’ve thought of it probably scores and scores of times. It’s the Animal that rides close behind. It’s the blade at midnight. The oven. The concrete median. Willie Loman.
He said.
“What?”
Willie Loman. Never mind.
For this story I got paid three hundred and fifty-dollars by a magazine which did not run any of it. It was called a “kill fee.” When a publication doesn’t deem a story worth printing, they pay the writer a “cut-off” price. It’s something agreed upon in the contract. The magazine which hired me to write this is a popular, teenage, celebrity-driven publication. Even though it picked the subject, it wasn’t willing to print the truth. I took my kill fee and bought three bottles of good gin. No one ever really wants to know.

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5 Responses to “Kim Hee-joo”

  1. slyboots2 25/05/2007 at 5:34 AM #

    Like, they thought, like, it was a downer, dude. Because reality fucking sucks.And idiots are more interested in Brittany- being an idiot. (not to be mean to the poor girl-she can’t seem to help it.)

  2. choochoo 25/05/2007 at 9:53 AM #

    hearing about suicide pacts always makes me shudder a bit. I can’t quite figure out what goes on in people’s heads when they do that. But I suppose that’s a good thing, really. If I understood it, there would be reason to worry…

  3. Lx 25/05/2007 at 2:02 PM #

    what’s shite is the realization that you’re taking the kill fee and conceding that nothing you can do, within your profession, and with the intentions with which you got into a certain profession, can truly help, if the Powers that Be shut you down. and so you take the kill fee and you go pay the rent and buy some food to have in your cupboards and continue to try to figure out how in hell anyone’s ever going to help anyone.

  4. Anonymous 25/05/2007 at 5:41 PM #

    Look at you there trying to look tough.
    J

  5. Lx 25/05/2007 at 5:55 PM #

    menacing
    is the word
    (not grease)

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