(one)

14 Jun

Irritants.
For example. This book I’m reading. The font of the numbers at the bottom of the page. For example. It’s bubbly and fat.
The font.
I don’t know what you call it. Arial. Trebouchet. Courier. I don’t know these things. Serif, sans serif. I shot the sheriff. Whatever. The font of these things makes them look like insects. When you’re reading and you’re seeing these numbers on the periphery, these bastards look like bugs. I’m telling you. Don’t laugh. And if you move the pupils along with the text, and you do because you’re reading for Chrissakes, they look like moving bugs. You know? You hold the thing in between your thumb and forefinger…well, down in the crease between the digits, and the things are actuating. They’re supplanting on the fucking page, these arthropods.
The zero is a tick.
The one is an ant.
The three is an aphid.
You get it. Every fifth line I feel like smacking down on the book.
Listen, if you’re reading this, stop. Do me a favour. Go find something else to distract you. There must be something on TV. Get a facial. A pedicure. Let those mousy Asian women draw minuscule flowers on your toenails. Color your hair. You look like shit, pushing forty. Your skin is flaky. Drink some water.
Don’t start in on this. I’m warning you, you’ll just get pissed off. What this is, is just another confession of a lousy, anonymous sap. An addict. A twelve-stepper. Nothing new. We’re a dozen a dozen. Even I’m sick of it.
Step 4: Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself.
Step 4.
The four is a twisted silverfish.
I’m serious. Don’t waste your time reading this. You won’t find anything good here.
Stop.

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4 Responses to “(one)”

  1. slyboots2 14/06/2007 at 2:45 PM #

    Pushing 40 my ass. Been there done that. And it wasn’t so bad. But thanks for the reminder- the roots need attending to this weekend.

    Who loves ya, baby!

  2. Lx 15/06/2007 at 11:08 AM #

    glad this freak could help.

  3. Janete 20/06/2007 at 8:22 AM #

    Interesting how you write in this piece, as if following a flight of ideas. And you tease the reader…naughty, I read to the end. Well done. Stop.

  4. Lx 20/06/2007 at 10:54 AM #

    i always try things; sometimes they don’t work.
    stop.

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