Death Is Not The Road To Awe

10 Sep

Dear Prudence,

I think I’ve told you that about death before. I don’t believe in the Mayans. Nor the Incas. Is it “nor” or “or?” In any case, I’ve sent you the letters I wrote to you over twenty years ago. There must be over a hundred of them. If you’re interested, you should start with the last one in the stack and make your way up to the top. If you don’t want to read them, just burn or shred them. In 1992 I was diagnosed with thanatophobia, the fear of death and all things associated with death. My diagnosis was limited to the fear of my own death, but thanatophobia often stretches to peripheral organisms and symbols. What started me on the wrong path was Hieronymous Bosch. His visions of Hell seeped into my head and replaced Dante’s Inferno. I don’t want to go into too much detail about the diagnosis and what else triggered the fears. Just know that death no longer holds dominion over me. I’ve always lived within geometric patterns, you know that (or you’ll know if you end up reading my letters I’ve sent you), but what happened fifteen years after my diagnosis was a transcendence of sorts; a movement from triangles, to rectangles, and finally to circles and spheres. A sphere of any radius centered at the origin is described by the differential equation: xdx + ydy + zdz = 0. This equation reflects the fact that the position and velocity vectors of a point travelling on the sphere, or through the sphere, are always orthogonal or at right angles to each other. It is how I now look at death; particularly my own. It is perpendicular to life, not straight linear. But neither is death a conduit or a “road to” anything. It is nothing more than the orthogonality of vectors. If you are wondering, I am not a mathematician. I am a state employee in the office of personnel at a major university. I am a mere functionary. This is probably going to be my last letter to you. I hope it finds you well. I am a person.


3 Responses to “Death Is Not The Road To Awe”

  1. slyboots2 10/09/2007 at 2:29 PM #

    You are also an alchemist.

  2. throwingroses 11/09/2007 at 12:51 AM #

    Wow I really like this. Glad I found your blog.

  3. Lx 11/09/2007 at 2:07 PM #

    thanks all. always grateful for you reading this site.

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