juggling

12 Mar

(what i hate the most is me sleeping while she struggles in the next room. what i love the most is hearing her fade away, buried in white pillows, while i struggle in the next room. it’s how it should be. i hold up a hand mirror that i received from the estate of a friend who, i think, took her own life at christmas in nineteen eighty-eight. what i am seeing are words i wish i didn’t overlook then in favour of atmospheric music and three bottles of romanian riesling pulled out of a musty, dusty crate living underneath the stairs. try to imagine words stupidly ignored so long ago. those are the ones reflected in the looking glass. i have been a lousy human being.)

low to-day low low in a hole low
so low there is no up there is just a pattern on the cave walls
up and out and back and down and low and up
and it begins again all over
i draw a curtain around like in an old-fashioned shower
surround myself in cloth a shroud a grave
there is nothing to do but wait
wait it out wait for it to pass maybe this time
maybe there are too many variables too many chances
and this time it won’t
count roadside flowers
count words word count
two hundred and twenty-eight

(angelina shows up again with her pony in the massive, marble lobby in which i stood eight hours daily for a few months many years ago. she asks if i remember our conversation and i say i am an old man and i do not, but i can only think of thes tables when she really meant the stables. she asks if i still remember how to juggle and i tell her i do. i’ve done it a few times for my daughter. she’s gone now. though.)

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7 Responses to “juggling”

  1. Slyboots 12/03/2008 at 7:20 PM #

    Oh- love this one- especially the shower. And the curtain. Keep the faith. Ya got it, kid!

  2. dr. zombieswan 12/03/2008 at 9:17 PM #

    A little playdough. No, wait. I think I spelt that wrong. :)

  3. Anonymous 14/03/2008 at 12:38 AM #

    glad I found your blog again old friend..your writing as usual is amazing. from the pastry chefs kin

  4. (S)wine 14/03/2008 at 7:53 PM #

    Spelled “spelt” wrong?

  5. janete 16/03/2008 at 12:32 AM #

    Great piece lx, loved it.

  6. (S)wine 16/03/2008 at 3:36 PM #

    Thanks Janete.

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