Extra, Extra: Milton Afflicted with Severe Lisp!

14 Jul

In any case, happy belated 334th anniversary of your death. I saved one tenth of a tree branch by not getting you a card (thus also solving the mailing address dilemma). If you don’t know by now, we’re all “green” up in the junks and hellbent on stopping deforestation. By and by, reading your epic poem was an excruciating task, which I had to endure in my last year of high school Engrrrish instead of cutting class and getting stoned, as was de rigueur with Seniors (the high school class, not baby-boomers, octogenarians, and the such–just sayin’). With all due respect, your masterpiece, sir, belongs to the same insufferable pantheon as “Beowulf” and Chaucer’s “Canterbury Tales.” In other words, Dante’s Fifth Circle, with the Wrathful and the Sullen as well as Filipo Argenti (we don’t really know who the hell Filipo is, other than an acquaintance for whom Dante has no pity, but I digress). Good news, however. It is just a notch (albeit a small one) above Ginsberg’s “Howl,” which I had the horror of dissecting in my first year of university. Between all of you esteemed poets, I have calculated that I thoroughly wasted one hundred and ninety-two days of my measly life. Would there, perhaps, be a chance to regain that precious time? If you should think of any way, please signal from beyond the grave via either a crop circle on the fields surrounding Stonehenge, or simply through my newly-purchased Ouija board (I am available for contact mainly in the evenings, and then again after 0200 hrs.). Until then, I continue to be:
Your humble servant,
Lx

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2 Responses to “Extra, Extra: Milton Afflicted with Severe Lisp!”

  1. Slyboots 14/07/2008 at 9:14 PM #

    Amen, brothah! I would also respectfully request the same from Cervantes, Joyce, and D.H.Lawrence. Thank you for your support.

  2. (S)wine 15/07/2008 at 6:27 AM #

    Request granted.

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