Urban Legend (Final)

7 Aug

The thing is, they can’t be too long. These stupid stories. They can’t go on forever, otherwise people stop reading. Believing. And so I need to find a way to end it.
“I know how, Dude.”
We need to find a way to end it.
Benny says: “We off your old man, Dude.”
Trite but…
“It’s Hollywood, Dude. It’s what they want. The denouement.”
I say, “how do you know that word.”
And Benny makes the double-guns with his thumbs and forefingers and does that chack-chack noise with his mouth and tongue.
See also: Isaac the Bartender.
“We off your old man with a pillow.”
“And then what?”
“He leaves you all his shit. His homes, cars. He leaves all that to you.”
Trite but…definitely Hollywood. And there has to be a kicker, too. A set-up for a possible second part, if this does well at the box office.
Benny says: “There’s a detective who…”
Only this time I don’t follow the two conversations. Just mine. Benny’s tale spins out like a screenwriter’s paradise. Twists and turns down Sunset. Hollywood archetypes.
I’m on to the new one. The one about the two guys who work at a major troubleshooting call-in center and go around wealthy neighborhoods at night, drinking the bait beer out of people’s slug traps.
“That’s sick, Dude.”
Maybe, but those kinds are the best. I ask Benny if he thinks I’m a good guy. Overall, I mean.
“No way, Dude. You’re an asshole.”
And he’s right. But it’s how I get off.
“What kind of beer is it, Dude?”
It’s a wealthy subdivision so it’s imported stuff. So it gets you drunk quicker.
See also: Tuborg.
See also: Stella Artois.
See also: The Slug-X Trap.
“Kick ass, Dude.”
Everything is a story. For the good ones, you just charge more per word.


3 Responses to “Urban Legend (Final)”

  1. Slyboots 07/08/2008 at 10:45 AM #

    The beer thing- you got me there. Now about those lepers…

  2. J.A. 10/08/2008 at 11:04 PM #

    As the world goes; charging more per word/kilometer/whatever is the common theme… Great series.

  3. (S)wine 11/08/2008 at 8:42 AM #

    Thanks J.A. Welcome back.
    Sly, let’s leave those guys on some island somewhere…old school stylee.

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