Currents

5 May

before i was born there was nothing. and nothingness.
and being took shape within that.
and when i die there will be nothing. and nothingness.
i don’t have romantic musings upon heaven or hell.
dying is tailor made.
i have been electrocuted in my life three times.
all to the brink of death.
first time came at age 7 in our flat; i reached out to turn on a light switch.
the washing machine shaking in the room was hooked up to the wires and there was no wall plate.
how i felt was: cog wheels grinding from within and almost tickling with the current.
someone (mum? da?) cut off the entire power and un-stuck me from the wall.
second time came at age 16 timing giant platters upon which film prints rested and fed the gargantuan projector.
(i ran films in a movie house)
timing both feed and take-up platters required precise electronic tinkering with a screwdriver.
i must have touched something not recommended and everything went awry.
i was saved by a wondering patron and a propped open door to the projection booth.
my gift was walking around with a numb right arm for 10 days.
i stopped having dreams then.
third time i was up on a ladder pruning a pear tree
whose branches were pushing hard on the cable coming into the house from the street.
the jolt i took was momentary but i felt like i got whacked on the jaw by Cassius.
i was lucky in that the tension of the cable snapped it right back
and it just barely touched my face.
later in the mirror i noticed three burns on the side of my tongue.
the current snuck in through my tooth fillings and burned the flesh.
the fillings were given a new life
a new shiny sparkly look.
i had platinum in my mouth.
i would carry that from then on.

i have died twice in my dreams.
both times shot.
after the bullet there was nothing and nothingness.
at the moment of impact
i smelled burning flesh
and felt regret for all the things i never got to accomplish.
that was the hardest thing;
going down into the hole feeling like nothing was done
that everything was wasted.
and then it was just like before;
before i was born.

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4 Responses to “Currents”

  1. Erin O'Brien 05/05/2009 at 11:48 AM #

    Devastating and wonderful.

  2. (S)wine 05/05/2009 at 12:31 PM #

    Thanks Erin. It’s not often I like (or even re-read) my pieces, but this one I’m very fond of. This one works for me on several levels. Thanks for continuing to come here and read.

  3. Janete Cabral 06/05/2009 at 10:45 AM #

    Great piece lx. Tragic and wonderful, I agree with Erin on this one.

    Well done

  4. Janete Cabral 06/05/2009 at 10:51 AM #

    By the way lx my blogs have been playing up, I am on blogger for now but might change over to wordpress.

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