Pittsburg, Kansas

6 Apr

In 1993 I spent a night in his 19th Century Sears kit house. It was purportedly haunted, but I didn’t care about those things; I had major problems sleeping, and those nocturnal hours of torture superseded the mystical or the supernatural. Sometime around three in the morning I began to hear loud, violent bursts of cracking or rupturing metal coming from the back yard. The small explosions were spaced out at equal intervals, like a slow Gatling gun almost. The precision timing was incredible. I stood propped on my elbow and put a watch to it and the gap of quiet time sandwiched in between the violence measured exactly two seconds every time. I stepped out to investigate with a small canister of pepper spray under my thumb. They had guns in Kansas. The capsaicin-laden extract was all I had packed and I knew it wouldn’t stand up to a fully-armed intruder. It was him. He was swinging an axe at his barbecue, methodically tearing and splitting the metal with two-second increments allotted for recuperation, assessment of damage, and perhaps savage reflection. His wife stepped out with me. She wore a heavy, black coat over her nightgown. He’ll stop when it’s finished, she said. He’s not well, you know. When he was satisfied with the carnage, which had now become an opaque, fusible pile of alkali, he dropped the tool and wiped invisible sawdust off his palms. Then he turned to us and said: it got what it deserved. I left later in the morning in a rented Chevy Lumina, up route 69, headed toward Kansas City.

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6 Responses to “Pittsburg, Kansas”

  1. Nathan Tyree 06/04/2010 at 8:58 PM #

    Jesus. I live about 20 miles from Pittsburg, KS. This speaks to me.

  2. (S)wine 06/04/2010 at 9:05 PM #

    Well then…nice. Where are you? Oskaloosa?

  3. nathantyree 07/04/2010 at 1:49 PM #

    Scammon KS. Just south and west of Pitt.

  4. Mike Camel 07/04/2010 at 9:15 PM #

    It speaks to me… it speaks to me of the true horror of 9/11…

    Sorry, stupid joke. Nevermind that reference.

    Purportedly haunted. I hate ghosts. Those things do bother me.

  5. Mike Camel 07/04/2010 at 9:17 PM #

    Hey I can’t even see my little monster thing any more, that fucker has become near-microscopic.

  6. (S)wine 08/04/2010 at 11:25 AM #

    Mike, it’s out of my hands.

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