Tough Guy in a Wet Suit

28 Sep

The story goes that my uncle Mikki once shot a gypsy musician through the mouth of the tuba he was playing, although if you think about the trajectory of the bullet, the angle of the tuba, and all that…anyway, they say the poor man had started in on a ruptured version of The Internationale and uncle Mikki suddenly jumped up and did the deed. Uncle hated the communists. No one knew what the hell had happened at first. No one was allowed to own firearms so a big wave of confusion set in before the screams came. It sounded like cats being skinned alive and boiled. For that, uncle Mikki did twenty years in a salt mine in Slanic Prahova. He came up for air at the end of ’89 when the curtain fell, but it was too late. They had finished him. Though to this day uncle claims the oxygen down there is what kept him alive and lucid and strong. He was an eighth of the man that went down the elevator that spring day in 1970; what came back up was a halitosis-plagued whisper. He’d lost most of his weight. And a few other things as well. He began to wash his car with petrol. Once, at a family gathering, he excused himself to the washroom, and emerged half an hour later with his mouth bloody and sewed shut. He had driven a needle and thread through his lips and stitched them. He claimed to have mastered Yoga and pain. When I saw him last, before he hitched a ride to Oradea and disappeared for good in Hungary, he made a bet with me that he could walk in between rain drops. I took him on. Uncle went into his room, put on a black suit, and walked out into the deluge, ducking and weaving and bending and sliding. He came back soaking wet and said: Can’t see any raindrops on the suit, eh? Eh? So I gave him his fifty Euros.

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6 Responses to “Tough Guy in a Wet Suit”

  1. Ava Joe 28/09/2010 at 11:49 AM #

    He stitches his own mouth shut. Interesting, to say the least.

  2. Lx 28/09/2010 at 11:54 AM #

    Over on the Posterous there’s more on that.

  3. ~otto~ 30/09/2010 at 12:33 AM #

    I like your uncle.

  4. Lx 30/09/2010 at 8:03 AM #

    Yea baby, he’d slurp his yogurt through the holes in his lips.

  5. vibes01 30/09/2010 at 3:25 PM #

    fifty euros?…cheapskate

  6. Nan 19/10/2010 at 9:50 PM #

    Poor gypsy

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