9 Mar

I get old and I can’t stand myself for the insufferable traits that come with this age:
cowardice
fear
self doubt
self image problems
thin fortitude

I was concerned at the thought of losing my job last month
to the point to which I lost several nights’ sleep
In the days of scotch and water and hanging heads on bars
news of losing my job was always welcomed
I didn’t care then if I slept in a cardboard box
(which is what I once did for two weeks in a public park in Atlanta)

Getting that last paycheck in hand
meant going to the bar for a few rounds with the boys
and girls
and eating bologna sandwiches with mayonnaise on white shitty bread
later in my room

My constitution has rusty holes drilled into it now
but I accept that because it is how it is
and I must reconcile myself to that

I take a jug of cheap red wine
the kind that tastes like grape juice
into my bedroom
I turn off the lights
and drink from it there

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One Response to “”

  1. valerie 09/03/2011 at 5:49 PM #

    yup.

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