Adjusting

9 Jan

what kind of name is that
it sounds french
is it french?

it sounds french though

it’s just the way you’re saying it

well then how do you say it?

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i like the french sounding one better

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where’re you from again?

romania

ah cool yeah
where is that
is that like in africa?

no
not really

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one of the best ways to get in with the fellows
(and my parents insisted that i get in with the fellows
at all costs
to socialize bond and all that)
one of the best ways
was to join in making fun of all the handicapped kids
at my elementary school

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the fellows called them retards
but i was confused because the fellows
also called one another retards
gay
fags
dicks
and some other names i didn’t know were bad things
to call people

in particular there was this one kid named John Dunkle
who the fellows always made fun of
John Dunkle had some kind of palsy or something
whatever it was it made his hands severely curl in
so that he always looked like he had hooks for palms

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the other thing

John Dunkle had a very high pitched voice
so that made it so the fellows made extra fun of him
mocking him in a high voice

but John Dunkle was one tough kid
he played ball in the yard with all the fellows
despite their constant taunting
he shot the ball with two hands
those curled up hook hands of his
and when the fellows kept calling him retard
because he missed free throws shooting like that
John Dunkle yelled in his high pitched voice right back at em
and called them motherfuckers
and cocksuckers
and some other things I didn’t know what they meant

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i never joined the fellows in calling John Dunkle retard or anything
instead i got in with them
by making fun of a kid without a handicap
named Mike Gaydos
GAYdos
gay
gay
gay
is what we took to calling him
whenever we saw him

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and i always felt like shit because the fellows liked
the new foreign kid joining in
calling Mike Gaydos
gay
fag
faggot
gayboy
felt like shit for getting in with the fellows that way
it was a horrible thing to do to someone
it was shameful

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but my parents loved it all
they loved that i adjusted and found friends
even though they weren’t friends
they were just shitty kids on their way to juvie or eventual prison
you could tell that they only maybe had a few more years

my parents were the ones
who always pushed me to get in with the fellows
any fellows no matter what it took
even bullying
whatever it took

i hated it all and myself
i was responsible
for making Mike Gaydos feel horrendous
i was responsible for bullying him along with the others
who laughed because the foreign kid with the accent
was on their te4m

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Mike Gaydos moved in the summer of 1980
to somewhere near virginia beach
and i never heard from or ever saw him again

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that same summer i got out of being with the fellows

i became friends with a japanese kid named Satoshi Watanabe
and some other american boys that had foreign last names

like

Mikey Beyer
Steve Novotny
Vlad Pihuliak
Dave Styndall
Stanley Cierlitsky

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also that summer i befriended a kid named Rick
who was a drummer
and had a drum set in his attic
that he would play after school
for all of us with foreign names

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Rick’s friend was John Dunkle
who also knew how to play drums
even with those bent hands of his
he played drums incredibly well
and Rick would always let him sit in
and play for us

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can you play 2112 said Davey Styndall
and John Dunkle attacked that drum set like i’ve never seen
he played all 20 minutes of 2112
with his curled up hands like that
he played all of it just like it was on the record
and sometimes he yelled and grunted and snarled
while he played

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see that said Rick
that is genius
that is better than
Keith Moon
even the grunting and all
it’s genius

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